After the Rain

From the futon in the TWDQ library, let's try some liveblogging! The bottom of the 7th is starting, so here we go!

8:06: Hey! No "God Bless America"! Woody Guthrie would be proud.

8:08: Note to Bud: It's one thing when the bench guys are wearing stocking caps, but when the ballplayers on the field are wearing caps with Elmer Fudd flaps, you might think about pulling the season in a week or two.

8:18: The "Rocky" theme again? Please...

8:23: Hey! Does anyone know if Jim Carrey's got a new movie coming out?

8:33: Jayson Werth, at 2 for 2, hasn't had "a good night", Joe. It's been "a good game" or a "a couple of good nights".

8:34: William Penn was cursing the Phils? Huh?

8:37: Any pitcher could throw a hanging breaking ball. Man, the things you can learn from Tim McCarver...

8:41: What the hell is up with the twin bathtubs in Cialis commercials? "A jug of wine, a loaf of bread, a pair a of bathtubs facing the beach, and thou..."

8:44: Around the horn! Let's show each fielder briefly! Why?

8:45: Joe Buck reads the media guide's history page. Wow.

8:46: Lidge's slider is so good it occasionally gets past the catcher? Hell, I have a slider that can do THAT...

8:49: Could we get a tighter shot of Lidge? I can still see the top and bottom of his head...

8:52: Once again, DirtCam sheds no light on a play...

8:53: Take that, William Penn! Congrats, Phils!

8:57: Well, we're going to go find us a drinkable beer (as opposed to one with "drinkability").

Hey, let's wrap this with a special Celebratory Man Love Edition of This Week's Discussion Question:

When has beer ever been hard to drink?

Please keep the discussion civil and feel free to wander off into "When's spring training?"

Discuss.

Change We Can Believe In

We interrupt This Week's Discussion Question to bring you some great news.

The airtime that Barack Obama has purchased tonight on Fox and several other networks will not delay the start of the resumption of the suspended Game 5 of the 2008 World Series.

It will, however, result in Fox cutting back on the pre-game show, so there will be less Joe Buck and Tim McCarver tonight.

That, my friends, is Change We Can Believe In.

We now return you to This Week's Discussion Question, already in progress.

New Adventures in Stupid

Just when you thought we'd hit rock bottom, they get out the dynamite and blast down to a whole new level:

Conservative media figures allege Obama's Hawaii trip is about discredited birth-certificate rumors, not his ailing grandmother

Okay, Rush, you got us. The Hawaii thing's a ruse. He really IS from Krypton.

Oy.

Idiot Wind

Another benefit of the recent TWDQ HQ move was that we are no longer in this crazy person's Congressional district. (Our new Congressional representative is a *gasp*...Muslim!)

On the downside, we're not there to provide a few additional votes to help our former pastor show her the door. (Speaking of which, the blogosphere is an amazing thing, isn't it?)

Rest easy, Congresswoman. The two most dangerous anti-Americans in our government will be out of jobs three months from tomorrow. If that's not soon enough for you, Michele, you could start this ball rolling. Better late than never, we say.

We concur with tbogg, who recently wrote, "Seriously, and to paraphrase Paul Begala, if stupid ever goes to $40 a barrel, I want the drilling rights to Michelle Bachmann's head."

And, as the honorable Rufus T. Firefly remarked, "Gentlemen, Chicolini here may talk like an idiot, and look like an idiot, but don't let that fool you: he really is an idiot."

Of course, when we mentioned "Did you hear what Crazy Michele said yesterday?" the college student, here on fall break, inquired, "Which Crazy Michelle?"

We now return you to This Week's Discussion Question, already in progress.

Hanging on the Telephone

Bought a new over-the-range microwave oven for TWDQ HQ's kitchen and ran into an installation snag last night. Called the retailer's 1-800 number on the sheet of paper taped to the front of the unit in case you encounter problems with the appliance, but none of the three very pleasant people we were routed through--after an automated voice routed us--could hook us up with anyone technical enough to answer our not all that technical question.

Decided to call the store where we made the purchase. We repeat, the number for the local store. The conversation went something like this:

Voice Recognition Software Receptionist: "Thank you for calling (rhymes with 'beers')! Say the name of the department you're looking for or say 'department list' for a list of departments at this loca..."

TWDQ: "Appliances."

VRSR: "You said 'appliances'. Is that correct?

TWDQ: "Yes."

VRSR: "Good! If you're calling about a large appliance, like a refrigerator or a washing machine, say 'large appliance'. If you're calling about a small appliance, like a mixer or microwave, say 'small appliance'.

TWDQ: "Small appliance."

VRSR: "You said 'small appliance'. Just a moment, I'll transfer you.

Real Person at Local Store: "(Rhymes with 'beers'), how may I help you?"

TWDQ: "Is this Appliances?"

RPaLS: "Just a minute, I'll transfer you."

Real Person Selling Appliances: "Appliances. How may I help you?"

And here we are at This Week's Discussion Question:

What the hell good was that automated stuff?

Please keep the discussion civil and do not wander off into "Por Espanol..." or "Is this big or small appliances?"

Discuss.

Smart Girls (and Boys)

All in all, it was a pretty good Monday, and we're not even talking about Wall Street's rally or the Rays hammering the Red Sox.

It was a Monday bookended by hope. It began with news of Paul Krugman winning a Nobel Prize, wrapped up with Rachel Maddow schooling David "Axis of Evil" Frum (Note to Dave: It's not very bright to throw your first pitch behind the head of someone who can and will take you deep) and raises This Week's Discussion Question:

Is "smart" the new black?

Please keep the discussion civil and do not wander off into "Paul Wolfowitz? Really, Dave? The only guy who's been more wrong more often is Bill Kristol" or "Wow. Isn't there a ten-run rule for interviews?"

Discuss.

Who Woulda Thunk It?

Flipped over to CNN this afternoon after Tampa beat the Whiteys and reporter Dana Bash, outside the Washington University auditorium where tonight's Biden-Palin debate will take place, said that the atmosphere felt more like a prize fight, prompting this special visual version of This Week's Discussion Question:

A prize fight? Gosh, what would give anyone that idea?

Please keep the discussion civil and feel free to wander off into making up your own joke about using a "rope-a-dope" strategy.

Discuss.

I've Had Enough

We interrupt This Week's Discussion Question for a few brief rants:

1) Clean off your batting helmets, boys. The Twins' highly-buffed helmets in the 80's and 9o's looked very cool. Those ugly gobs of pine tar obliterating your club's insignia are not getting you extra hits. Give it up. If you need something to mollify your superstitious side, talk to Jason Giambi and get some advice on picking out a nice gold thong. No, we don't need to see it.

2) Financial writers, get yourselves to a thesaurus and look up a new word to permit you to bury "roiled" for a while. Hell, write that the markets were "jumpy" or "all twitchy" but please, please, please don't trot out "roiled" again anytime soon.

3) White Sox fans, get yourselves some new teevee announcers. If we were Sox fans, we'd be ashamed to admit it.

4) Because of its impact on the post-season picture, Fox Sports picked up the local nine's Saturday tilt. On the upside, they used local color guy Bert Blyleven* and they didn't have time to bury a DirtCam in front of the dish. Unfortunately, they still brought along the Fox Sports Baseball Directors' Handbook (which was invaluable in writing this). There were 38,072 paying customers in the Metrodome and between pitches during the last three innings, we saw each and every one of them. Twice. Maybe three times. The division series haven't even started and this already has us yelling at the television.

*Okay, now THERE's a TWDQ for ya:

Why isn't the guy who spun the best curveball throughout the 70's and 80's, fifth in career strikeouts, with a pair of World Series rings to show for it, in the Hall of Fame?

Please keep the discussion civil and do not wander off into "Y'know, if A.J. Pierzynski did a cameo as a terrorist on '24', I might have to reconsider my thinking on torture," or "There's gotta be a provision in the Geneva Convention prohibiting extended exposure to Hawk and D.J.."

Discuss.

Give it Away

Been getting settled into the new TWDQ HQ for the past couple of months, so there's been precious little time to blog. We thought we'd fill the gap by offering up some of our world-famous free advice:

To the media: When someone says something that isn't true, it's okay to say they're lying.

To the cast of Camp Rock - "We Rock": No, you don't. At all. The idea that there could be a "prestigious" camp where you have to go to learn to be a rock star is completely antithetical to the spirit of rock 'n roll. (See Rock, Punk; c. 1977.) Cut it out.

To the media again: When someone says something that isn't true, especially when they deliberately and continually repeat something they either know or should know isn't true, it's okay to say they're lying.

To anyone who's posed the question "Is America ready for a black president?": What you really mean is, "I'M not ready for a black president." Go on, say it.

To John McCain: You'll need this if you'd like to see your last shred of dignity.

To the good folks at the Human Genome Project: Please identify the gene that causes Republicans to treat subpoenas like baby shower invitations. We need a cure now.

To Tampa Bay Rays fans: Your club's about to clinch a division championship. Show up.

To Barack Obama: Your campaign mantra needs to be "They think you're stupid." Because it's hard-hitting and effective, and, as the line goes, it has the added benefit of being true.

To the media yet again: When someone says something that isn't true, especially when they deliberately and continually repeat something they either know or should know isn't true, it's okay to say they're lying. As a matter of fact, it's your JOB to say that.

We now return you to This Week's Discussion Question, already in progress.

So We Dumb This Down, Dumb This Down...

Having informed us that Sen. McCain was the choice of pet owners, AP-Yahoo once again brings the stupid:

Poll: Obama tops McCain as football-watching buddy

Here are some suggestions to the AP-Yahoo crew for future polls:

With which candidate would you want to hang out to end a war?


With which candidate would you want to hang out to fix Wall Street?


With which candidate would you want to hang out to Scotch tape the Constitution back together?

They're all yours, AP and Yahoo. Ask away.

Waffle Stomp

We interrupt This Week's Discussion Question for a brief rant.

Just when you thought things couldn't get any stupider...

These were on sale at the "Values Voter Summit" this weekend, sponsored by the lobbying arm of the Family Research Council:



Anyone who thinks that is remotely funny needs to get their funny recalibrated. With a Louisville Slugger. That isn't political satire. It's classless, vile, deceitful, racist trash.

"Point box toward Mecca..."? You know, if you'd read that list of Commandments you all value so damn much and want to post everywhere, you might take a good, hard look at the one about bearing false witness. It's down there near the bottom, by the one about not cheating on one's spouse. (Hey, nice booking on that Gingrich guy.) Anyway, most folks these days tend to use its synonym: Lying. It's verboten. You could look it up.

Keep your values the hell away from my family, you racist creeps.

We now return you to This Week's Discussion Question, already in progress.

Boy with a Problem

We're back at the new TWDQ HQ after the ultimate back-to-school trip and here's your long-awaited episode of This Week's Discussion Question:

Why was this such an egregious character flaw four years ago, but isn't a big deal now?

Please keep the discussion civil and do not wander off into "How come the Rockies can play a three-game set at home on the eve of the Democratic convention while the Twins have to clear out for two weeks before and during Elephantapalooza?" or "When you make stuff up out of whole cloth, isn't it supposed to get filed under 'fiction'?"

Discuss.

Robbery, Assault and Battery

...are about the only things missing from this interactive chart published by Slate last week and we concur with dday, who writes, "The very fact that you can make a rich media interactive guide is enough to make you vomit."

So cover your mouth and take an enhanced whack at This Week's Discussion Question:

Can we start holding some of these people accountable already?

Please keep the discussion civil and do not wander off into "The bunch in the pink circle had better have done all the international travel they want to do," or "Why are so many people saying 'presumptuous' when they really mean 'uppity'?"

Discuss.

Movin' Out

We interrupt This Week's Discussion Question to thank everyone who helped us relocate TWDQ HQ to our new location. It wasn't exceedingly hot out, there were only a few very minor dish or furniture casualties, and everyone's still speaking to us. What more could you ask for?

Despite being ten miles shorter, the first day's commute took about the same time, but only because after about four blocks, we noticed that every house had a garbage can and recycle bin at the end of the driveway, so we went back to put ours out as well. After that false start, it took about 10 minutes.

We now return you to This Week's Discussion Question, already in progress.

Pet Sounds

Fresh off learning which candidate we'd rather go to a BBQ with, one of the top three stories leading the AP/Yahoo News page today is "Poll: Pet Owners prefer McCain over Obama" and this brings us to This Week's Discussion Question:

What the...?

We don't care if the discussion's civil or not, we're much too busy weeping for this nation.

Discuss.

Bright Lights, Big City

We interrupt This Week's Discussion Question for a little mini-vacation report. We spent the first part of the week in NYC to pay a visit to The House that Ruth Built before they shut it down at the end of this campaign, so here's what we learned during three days in the City that Never Sleeps:

• Boy, oh boy, do we love subways and commuter trains.
• The San Diego Padres are not a very good ballclub.
• Even if we commuted through Grand Central Terminal every day for a couple-three decades, we'd still look around that building in awe every single day.
• Guinness makes a nice beer.
• Transacting real estate business via cell phone while walking down 5th Ave. is kinda cool.
• Transacting real estate business via cell phone while under an elevated track outside Yankee Stadium is difficult to do while there's a train passing overhead.
• A semi driver may not always be aware that his trailer is slightly too tall to clear an elevated train track.
  
• A semi driver's trailer scraping the underside of an elevated train track as one is waiting for a "WALK" signal can scare the hell out of a guy.
  
• It appears that more than one semi driver may have made that miscalculation.
  
• We love seeing couples gently snoozing against each other on the subway.
  
• If you look carefully, you might see a garbageman wearing a Bluetooth headset.
• A guy can get some good eats in Little Italy.
  
• A guy can get some good eats in Chinatown.
• A guy can get some good eats in White Plains.
• The Iron Tomato ought to consider franchising.
• The Twin Cities would be an excellent place for an Iron Tomato franchise.
  
• With all due respect to the legendary Duke Ellington, taking the E train gets you to JFK a lot quicker than taking the A train does.
• It'd do Lou Dobbs's soul some good to ride the E train through Queens every day.
• Touring NYC with a native is the way to go.
• Touring NYC with a native whose brother tends bar at an Irish pub is an even better way to go.
• Mariano Rivera's stuff is so nasty it ought to be illegal.
• The old Yankee Stadium is an impressive ballpark.
• We're glad Monument Park is no longer in the field of play. Like Mickey Rivers, we wouldn't want to "play by those graves" either.
  
• The new Yankee Stadium looks like it will be even better.
  
• One hopes the new Yankee Stadium's seating will be numbered a bit more intuitively.
  
• The Chrysler Building is spectacularly beautiful at night.
• So is the full moon coming up over the upper deck in right field.

We now return you to This Week's Discussion Question, already in progress.

Rocket to Russia

At TWDQ HQ we'll have the same This Week's Discussion Question for the next eight weeks:

What's shakin' in St. Petersburg?

Please keep the discussion civil and do not wander off into "I can't be delivering pizza to the movers" or "Anything new from the realtor?"

Discuss.

Tomorrow, Tomorrow

We interrupt This Week's Discussion Question to reaffirm the greatness of baseball.

One of the great things is that even if your club gets beaten like a rented mule, there'll be another game tomorrow. You don't spend an entire week rehashing crucial plays, whining about the officiating, or calling for the head coach's head or the offensive coordinator's head or the assistant left inside linebackers coach's head. You shake it off and watch 'em go out and get 'em tomorrow.

Another great thing is that in that fresh start tomorrow, they won't trot the same hurler out there.

We apologize for the interruption and we now return you to This Week's Discussion Question, already in progress.

Don't Talk

Blue Texan over at FDL asks a pretty good one today.

Right.

Discuss.

Face Down

Adam Everett just tripled to the gap in left-center and slid in to third base on his belly, raising This Week's Discussion Question:

With two players going on the DL in the first two months of the season because of head-first slides, why isn't Gardy fining guys who do that?

Please keep the discussion civil and do not wander off into "Does Nick Punto make enough to cover that?" or "One run in seven innings off of Sidney freaking Ponson?"

Discuss.

Update: Everett went on the DL today. Probably nothing to do with the slide, but bellyflopping with a bad wing is rarely a good idea.

And Sidney freaking Ponson went the distance, yielding only that one run.