I've Had Enough

We interrupt This Week's Discussion Question for a few brief rants:

1) Clean off your batting helmets, boys. The Twins' highly-buffed helmets in the 80's and 9o's looked very cool. Those ugly gobs of pine tar obliterating your club's insignia are not getting you extra hits. Give it up. If you need something to mollify your superstitious side, talk to Jason Giambi and get some advice on picking out a nice gold thong. No, we don't need to see it.

2) Financial writers, get yourselves to a thesaurus and look up a new word to permit you to bury "roiled" for a while. Hell, write that the markets were "jumpy" or "all twitchy" but please, please, please don't trot out "roiled" again anytime soon.

3) White Sox fans, get yourselves some new teevee announcers. If we were Sox fans, we'd be ashamed to admit it.

4) Because of its impact on the post-season picture, Fox Sports picked up the local nine's Saturday tilt. On the upside, they used local color guy Bert Blyleven* and they didn't have time to bury a DirtCam in front of the dish. Unfortunately, they still brought along the Fox Sports Baseball Directors' Handbook (which was invaluable in writing this). There were 38,072 paying customers in the Metrodome and between pitches during the last three innings, we saw each and every one of them. Twice. Maybe three times. The division series haven't even started and this already has us yelling at the television.

*Okay, now THERE's a TWDQ for ya:

Why isn't the guy who spun the best curveball throughout the 70's and 80's, fifth in career strikeouts, with a pair of World Series rings to show for it, in the Hall of Fame?

Please keep the discussion civil and do not wander off into "Y'know, if A.J. Pierzynski did a cameo as a terrorist on '24', I might have to reconsider my thinking on torture," or "There's gotta be a provision in the Geneva Convention prohibiting extended exposure to Hawk and D.J.."

Discuss.

Give it Away

Been getting settled into the new TWDQ HQ for the past couple of months, so there's been precious little time to blog. We thought we'd fill the gap by offering up some of our world-famous free advice:

To the media: When someone says something that isn't true, it's okay to say they're lying.

To the cast of Camp Rock - "We Rock": No, you don't. At all. The idea that there could be a "prestigious" camp where you have to go to learn to be a rock star is completely antithetical to the spirit of rock 'n roll. (See Rock, Punk; c. 1977.) Cut it out.

To the media again: When someone says something that isn't true, especially when they deliberately and continually repeat something they either know or should know isn't true, it's okay to say they're lying.

To anyone who's posed the question "Is America ready for a black president?": What you really mean is, "I'M not ready for a black president." Go on, say it.

To John McCain: You'll need this if you'd like to see your last shred of dignity.

To the good folks at the Human Genome Project: Please identify the gene that causes Republicans to treat subpoenas like baby shower invitations. We need a cure now.

To Tampa Bay Rays fans: Your club's about to clinch a division championship. Show up.

To Barack Obama: Your campaign mantra needs to be "They think you're stupid." Because it's hard-hitting and effective, and, as the line goes, it has the added benefit of being true.

To the media yet again: When someone says something that isn't true, especially when they deliberately and continually repeat something they either know or should know isn't true, it's okay to say they're lying. As a matter of fact, it's your JOB to say that.

We now return you to This Week's Discussion Question, already in progress.

So We Dumb This Down, Dumb This Down...

Having informed us that Sen. McCain was the choice of pet owners, AP-Yahoo once again brings the stupid:

Poll: Obama tops McCain as football-watching buddy

Here are some suggestions to the AP-Yahoo crew for future polls:

With which candidate would you want to hang out to end a war?


With which candidate would you want to hang out to fix Wall Street?


With which candidate would you want to hang out to Scotch tape the Constitution back together?

They're all yours, AP and Yahoo. Ask away.

Waffle Stomp

We interrupt This Week's Discussion Question for a brief rant.

Just when you thought things couldn't get any stupider...

These were on sale at the "Values Voter Summit" this weekend, sponsored by the lobbying arm of the Family Research Council:



Anyone who thinks that is remotely funny needs to get their funny recalibrated. With a Louisville Slugger. That isn't political satire. It's classless, vile, deceitful, racist trash.

"Point box toward Mecca..."? You know, if you'd read that list of Commandments you all value so damn much and want to post everywhere, you might take a good, hard look at the one about bearing false witness. It's down there near the bottom, by the one about not cheating on one's spouse. (Hey, nice booking on that Gingrich guy.) Anyway, most folks these days tend to use its synonym: Lying. It's verboten. You could look it up.

Keep your values the hell away from my family, you racist creeps.

We now return you to This Week's Discussion Question, already in progress.

Boy with a Problem

We're back at the new TWDQ HQ after the ultimate back-to-school trip and here's your long-awaited episode of This Week's Discussion Question:

Why was this such an egregious character flaw four years ago, but isn't a big deal now?

Please keep the discussion civil and do not wander off into "How come the Rockies can play a three-game set at home on the eve of the Democratic convention while the Twins have to clear out for two weeks before and during Elephantapalooza?" or "When you make stuff up out of whole cloth, isn't it supposed to get filed under 'fiction'?"

Discuss.

Robbery, Assault and Battery

...are about the only things missing from this interactive chart published by Slate last week and we concur with dday, who writes, "The very fact that you can make a rich media interactive guide is enough to make you vomit."

So cover your mouth and take an enhanced whack at This Week's Discussion Question:

Can we start holding some of these people accountable already?

Please keep the discussion civil and do not wander off into "The bunch in the pink circle had better have done all the international travel they want to do," or "Why are so many people saying 'presumptuous' when they really mean 'uppity'?"

Discuss.

Movin' Out

We interrupt This Week's Discussion Question to thank everyone who helped us relocate TWDQ HQ to our new location. It wasn't exceedingly hot out, there were only a few very minor dish or furniture casualties, and everyone's still speaking to us. What more could you ask for?

Despite being ten miles shorter, the first day's commute took about the same time, but only because after about four blocks, we noticed that every house had a garbage can and recycle bin at the end of the driveway, so we went back to put ours out as well. After that false start, it took about 10 minutes.

We now return you to This Week's Discussion Question, already in progress.

Pet Sounds

Fresh off learning which candidate we'd rather go to a BBQ with, one of the top three stories leading the AP/Yahoo News page today is "Poll: Pet Owners prefer McCain over Obama" and this brings us to This Week's Discussion Question:

What the...?

We don't care if the discussion's civil or not, we're much too busy weeping for this nation.

Discuss.

Bright Lights, Big City

We interrupt This Week's Discussion Question for a little mini-vacation report. We spent the first part of the week in NYC to pay a visit to The House that Ruth Built before they shut it down at the end of this campaign, so here's what we learned during three days in the City that Never Sleeps:

• Boy, oh boy, do we love subways and commuter trains.
• The San Diego Padres are not a very good ballclub.
• Even if we commuted through Grand Central Terminal every day for a couple-three decades, we'd still look around that building in awe every single day.
• Guinness makes a nice beer.
• Transacting real estate business via cell phone while walking down 5th Ave. is kinda cool.
• Transacting real estate business via cell phone while under an elevated track outside Yankee Stadium is difficult to do while there's a train passing overhead.
• A semi driver may not always be aware that his trailer is slightly too tall to clear an elevated train track.
  
• A semi driver's trailer scraping the underside of an elevated train track as one is waiting for a "WALK" signal can scare the hell out of a guy.
  
• It appears that more than one semi driver may have made that miscalculation.
  
• We love seeing couples gently snoozing against each other on the subway.
  
• If you look carefully, you might see a garbageman wearing a Bluetooth headset.
• A guy can get some good eats in Little Italy.
  
• A guy can get some good eats in Chinatown.
• A guy can get some good eats in White Plains.
• The Iron Tomato ought to consider franchising.
• The Twin Cities would be an excellent place for an Iron Tomato franchise.
  
• With all due respect to the legendary Duke Ellington, taking the E train gets you to JFK a lot quicker than taking the A train does.
• It'd do Lou Dobbs's soul some good to ride the E train through Queens every day.
• Touring NYC with a native is the way to go.
• Touring NYC with a native whose brother tends bar at an Irish pub is an even better way to go.
• Mariano Rivera's stuff is so nasty it ought to be illegal.
• The old Yankee Stadium is an impressive ballpark.
• We're glad Monument Park is no longer in the field of play. Like Mickey Rivers, we wouldn't want to "play by those graves" either.
  
• The new Yankee Stadium looks like it will be even better.
  
• One hopes the new Yankee Stadium's seating will be numbered a bit more intuitively.
  
• The Chrysler Building is spectacularly beautiful at night.
• So is the full moon coming up over the upper deck in right field.

We now return you to This Week's Discussion Question, already in progress.

Rocket to Russia

At TWDQ HQ we'll have the same This Week's Discussion Question for the next eight weeks:

What's shakin' in St. Petersburg?

Please keep the discussion civil and do not wander off into "I can't be delivering pizza to the movers" or "Anything new from the realtor?"

Discuss.

Tomorrow, Tomorrow

We interrupt This Week's Discussion Question to reaffirm the greatness of baseball.

One of the great things is that even if your club gets beaten like a rented mule, there'll be another game tomorrow. You don't spend an entire week rehashing crucial plays, whining about the officiating, or calling for the head coach's head or the offensive coordinator's head or the assistant left inside linebackers coach's head. You shake it off and watch 'em go out and get 'em tomorrow.

Another great thing is that in that fresh start tomorrow, they won't trot the same hurler out there.

We apologize for the interruption and we now return you to This Week's Discussion Question, already in progress.

Don't Talk

Blue Texan over at FDL asks a pretty good one today.

Right.

Discuss.

Face Down

Adam Everett just tripled to the gap in left-center and slid in to third base on his belly, raising This Week's Discussion Question:

With two players going on the DL in the first two months of the season because of head-first slides, why isn't Gardy fining guys who do that?

Please keep the discussion civil and do not wander off into "Does Nick Punto make enough to cover that?" or "One run in seven innings off of Sidney freaking Ponson?"

Discuss.

Update: Everett went on the DL today. Probably nothing to do with the slide, but bellyflopping with a bad wing is rarely a good idea.

And Sidney freaking Ponson went the distance, yielding only that one run.

Reason #50108 Why Baseball is Better than Football

This Gomez kid is something else:

Carlos Gomez has done some amazing things for the Twins this season.

Wednesday, he topped the list.

He put manager Ron Gardenhire at a loss for words. In an argument with an umpire.

...

With two outs, Gomez tried stealing third base with a 3-1 count to Joe Mauer.

"That was not a good play," Gardenhire said. "It almost turned into a good play. But it really wasn't a good play."

Gomez would have been out at third, had the ball not bounced away from Joe Crede's glove.

When Gomez sprinted toward home, Crede retrieved the ball in foul territory and threw a strike to catcher Toby Hall, who blocked the plate as Gomez slid.

Gomez did appear to touch home with his left foot before Hall applied the tag, but umpire Tim Timmons called him out.

Gardenhire went to argue, but his heart wasn't in it.

"I wanted to tell Timmy, 'I'm not really mad at you; I'm mad at somebody else right now,'" Gardenhire said.

This ballclub may not be very good, but boy, is it gonna be interesting...

The Phantom

We interrupt This Week's Discussion Question to mark the passing of E Street Band keyboard player Danny Federici on Thursday, April 17th at the age of 58, after a three-year battle with melanoma.

Springsteen's site has a great video up of Federici's final appearance with the band--playing accordion on the old favorite "4th of July, Asbury Park (Sandy)"--just a few weeks before his passing.

Bruce's touching and entertaining eulogy is also there, along with a video montage of Federici.

We're long-time Springsteen fans here at TWDQ. Bought Born to Run the week Bruce was on the covers of Time and Newsweek, without having heard a note of it and we were immediately captivated at the first few bars of "Thunder Road". Springsteen's at the peak of the TWDQ Hierarchy of Recording Artists* and though we've only seen a few E Street Band shows over the years (1980, 1999, 2004), they've all been terrific.

* The TWDQ Hierarchy of Recording Artists:

• You own one of their albums.
• You own several of their albums.
• You own their entire catalog.
• You own their entire catalog and buy their new albums on release day.
• You own their entire catalog and buy their new albums on your lunch break on release day (provided the shop's not running a midnight sale).**

** With the news that Joe Henry is collaborating with Rosanne Cash on her next record, we're contemplating adding a new category:

• You own their entire catalog and bribe one of the record store clerks for the truck delivery schedule and an early copy of the album.

Anyway, go watch the videos, read the eulogy, dig out your copy of The Wild, the Innocent & the E Street Shuffle, set the needle down on "Kitty's Back" and the aforementioned "Sandy" and enjoy a couple of Mr. Federici's finest performances.

Rest in peace, Danny.

Black and White

We're glad to hear we've not been alone in our profane sputteriness about this, but we think it may finally be safe to bring you another edition of TWDQ.

Pope Benedict XVI visited the White House today and the President's remarks included this statement:

"In a world where some no longer believe that we can distinguish between simple right and wrong, we need your message to reject this dictatorship of relativism."

So here's This Week's Discussion Question:

How much relativism does it take to transmogrify "torture" into "enhanced interrogation techniques"?

Please keep the discussion civil and do not wander off into "Bitter? The President admits he and the Veep are war criminals and we're all abuzz about a presidential candidate thinking some voters might be bitter?" or sputtering profanities.

Discuss.

The Boys Are Back in Town

We interrupt This Week's Discussion Question to bring you the exciting news that after too long an absence, Fafblog is back!

And they're back to save the universe!

Giblets may be dissatisfied, but we sure aren't.

A Thought for Good Friday

We interrupt This Week's Discussion Question to direct you to some words of wisdom from Mr. Charles Pierce on this Good Friday:

For those of us of the Papist persuasion, Good Friday services always came as two hours of existential dread. Purple swatches all over the sanctuary. Gloomy hymns. Latin intoned with an extra-special kind of lugubrious Lugosiness. More to the point of the past week, the Good Friday liturgy was a carnival of anti-Semitism, an extended exercise in Jew-bashing so egregious that even the Vatican came to notice it several centuries on. Now, I know I sat through this. I know Russert, and Matthews, and Maureen Dowd, and Pat Buchanan -- and JFK and John Kerry, as well -- also did. This wasn't the improvised rhetoric of one pastor in one church. This was the formalized celebration of Christ's Passion, performed in exactly the same way in front of millions of people in thousands of churches all over the world. So here's the thing, Mo and Tim and Chris. (I leave out Buchanan because, hell, he probably thinks the liturgy was too diverse.) Did sitting through this make you anti-Semitic? And to what degree? And have you ever rejected and renounced 2,000 years of popes -- to say nothing of the church over which they presided -- because they authorized this dangerous thooleramawnery? If you haven't, you should probably lay off Barack Obama and his minister, is all's I'm saying.

While we at TWDQ adhere to a franchise that's a revolution and a divorce removed from Roman Catholicism, we offer a hearty ecumenical "Amen."

We now return you to This Week's Discussion Question.

Reason #32108 Why Baseball is Better than Football

We interrupt This Week's Discussion Question to bring you yet another reason why baseball is the Best. Game. Ever.

La Velle E. Neal III's Twins Insider blog featured a game note about speedster Carlos Gomez, an outfielder acquired in the Johan Santana trade:

Go-Go Gomez was at it again in the seventh inning. He beat out a slow two-hopper to short - by a step - for an infield hit. With a runner on third, Gomez took off for second and didn’t draw a throw - but he dove into second anyway! The middle infielders never left their positions!

Second base umpire Tim Tschida (what a coincidence) waited until Gomez got up and made eye contact with him before he emphatically signaled him safe. Hilarious…

“He needed to slide into second base or he would have ran into the left fielder,” one pressbox wag said.

Even though it's snowing at the moment, Opening Day's a week from Monday.

We now return you to This Week's Discussion Question.

Deja Vu All Over Again

Today Sen. Clinton released her daily schedules from eight years as First Lady.

Naturally, the press spent the day scrutinizing them to assess the extent of her efforts on universal health care, her involvement in meetings with foreign leaders and other dignitarities, and her extensive charity work, since these may shed insight about her experience with these issues and show her to be a capable, well-qualified candidate for president. Right?

Um, not so much:

Top AP Politics headlines on Yahoo News
- Wednesday, March 19th, 2008, 9:30 p.m . CDT

• First lady Clinton and the intern crisis AP - 1 hour, 3 minutes ago
• Clinton calls on Obama to back primaries AP - Wed Mar 19, 6:51 PM ET
• Obama: Trust me to end the war AP - Wed Mar 19, 7:05 PM ET
• Today on the presidential campaign trail AP - Wed Mar 19, 5:15 PM ET
• Lewinsky and the first lady AP - 2 hours, 41 minutes ago

So here's the black beret and blue dress edition of This Week's Discussion Question:

Can we elect a new media this November, too?

Please keep the discussion civil and do not wander off into "Hey, what was she doing the day Vince Foster..." or "Excuse me, I hafta go throw up."

Discuss.

Update: On second thought, it's perfectly fine if you hafta go throw up.