I've Had Enough

We interrupt This Week's Discussion Question for a few brief rants:

1) Clean off your batting helmets, boys. The Twins' highly-buffed helmets in the 80's and 9o's looked very cool. Those ugly gobs of pine tar obliterating your club's insignia are not getting you extra hits. Give it up. If you need something to mollify your superstitious side, talk to Jason Giambi and get some advice on picking out a nice gold thong. No, we don't need to see it.

2) Financial writers, get yourselves to a thesaurus and look up a new word to permit you to bury "roiled" for a while. Hell, write that the markets were "jumpy" or "all twitchy" but please, please, please don't trot out "roiled" again anytime soon.

3) White Sox fans, get yourselves some new teevee announcers. If we were Sox fans, we'd be ashamed to admit it.

4) Because of its impact on the post-season picture, Fox Sports picked up the local nine's Saturday tilt. On the upside, they used local color guy Bert Blyleven* and they didn't have time to bury a DirtCam in front of the dish. Unfortunately, they still brought along the Fox Sports Baseball Directors' Handbook (which was invaluable in writing this). There were 38,072 paying customers in the Metrodome and between pitches during the last three innings, we saw each and every one of them. Twice. Maybe three times. The division series haven't even started and this already has us yelling at the television.

*Okay, now THERE's a TWDQ for ya:

Why isn't the guy who spun the best curveball throughout the 70's and 80's, fifth in career strikeouts, with a pair of World Series rings to show for it, in the Hall of Fame?

Please keep the discussion civil and do not wander off into "Y'know, if A.J. Pierzynski did a cameo as a terrorist on '24', I might have to reconsider my thinking on torture," or "There's gotta be a provision in the Geneva Convention prohibiting extended exposure to Hawk and D.J.."

Discuss.

Give it Away

Been getting settled into the new TWDQ HQ for the past couple of months, so there's been precious little time to blog. We thought we'd fill the gap by offering up some of our world-famous free advice:

To the media: When someone says something that isn't true, it's okay to say they're lying.

To the cast of Camp Rock - "We Rock": No, you don't. At all. The idea that there could be a "prestigious" camp where you have to go to learn to be a rock star is completely antithetical to the spirit of rock 'n roll. (See Rock, Punk; c. 1977.) Cut it out.

To the media again: When someone says something that isn't true, especially when they deliberately and continually repeat something they either know or should know isn't true, it's okay to say they're lying.

To anyone who's posed the question "Is America ready for a black president?": What you really mean is, "I'M not ready for a black president." Go on, say it.

To John McCain: You'll need this if you'd like to see your last shred of dignity.

To the good folks at the Human Genome Project: Please identify the gene that causes Republicans to treat subpoenas like baby shower invitations. We need a cure now.

To Tampa Bay Rays fans: Your club's about to clinch a division championship. Show up.

To Barack Obama: Your campaign mantra needs to be "They think you're stupid." Because it's hard-hitting and effective, and, as the line goes, it has the added benefit of being true.

To the media yet again: When someone says something that isn't true, especially when they deliberately and continually repeat something they either know or should know isn't true, it's okay to say they're lying. As a matter of fact, it's your JOB to say that.

We now return you to This Week's Discussion Question, already in progress.

So We Dumb This Down, Dumb This Down...

Having informed us that Sen. McCain was the choice of pet owners, AP-Yahoo once again brings the stupid:

Poll: Obama tops McCain as football-watching buddy

Here are some suggestions to the AP-Yahoo crew for future polls:

With which candidate would you want to hang out to end a war?


With which candidate would you want to hang out to fix Wall Street?


With which candidate would you want to hang out to Scotch tape the Constitution back together?

They're all yours, AP and Yahoo. Ask away.

Waffle Stomp

We interrupt This Week's Discussion Question for a brief rant.

Just when you thought things couldn't get any stupider...

These were on sale at the "Values Voter Summit" this weekend, sponsored by the lobbying arm of the Family Research Council:



Anyone who thinks that is remotely funny needs to get their funny recalibrated. With a Louisville Slugger. That isn't political satire. It's classless, vile, deceitful, racist trash.

"Point box toward Mecca..."? You know, if you'd read that list of Commandments you all value so damn much and want to post everywhere, you might take a good, hard look at the one about bearing false witness. It's down there near the bottom, by the one about not cheating on one's spouse. (Hey, nice booking on that Gingrich guy.) Anyway, most folks these days tend to use its synonym: Lying. It's verboten. You could look it up.

Keep your values the hell away from my family, you racist creeps.

We now return you to This Week's Discussion Question, already in progress.